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Suburban Knight

by Loopy Bang

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1.
wrap my blood up so it doesn’t scare my roommates though they never take out the bathroom trash put my hair up show off my baby face please hold my hands so I don’t scratch I babysat you cuz your mom didn’t trust boys to take care of your reputation I sat there a dyke in suburban night as they soaked up your Vanilla Vixen wrapped my chin up when I scraped the pavement sang the gauze off at the recital put my foot down to make a statement but the only thing gained was exile you tried to raise me from naivety, show me the only love that exists here afraid of the guys, wanting you the prize, was I wrong in trying to save you? I babysat you cuz your mom didn’t trust boys to take care of your reputation I sat there a dyke, a suburban knight as they soaked up your Vanilla Vixen your Vanilla Vixen wrap the night up and the boys will hate me for stealing their only chance at touch put your lights on lock your windows worship only leads to being crushed
2.
Man 04:06
the television tells me that he was born to quell me to be the first to teach me I have value so I pick him out at recess and he treats me like an abscess and I never know what I said wrong I want a man to save me I want to save a man I want to be as simple as the television’s plan four years ago, we got rights but something is still not right I spent twenty years desperate for the hollow of a man once he was a small thing but he grew a liquor liver and then turned his body blockade I wanted to turn him soft and let him break me as a thank you I am lucky we were both too afraid I want a man to save me I want to save a man I want to be as simple as the television’s plan four years ago, we got rights but something is still not right I spent twenty years desperate for the hollow of a man I am best at longing for that which never happened, paint illusions give myself the creeps men don’t let themselves love me not cuz they are above me, they’re just scared I’ll brush their hair and kiss their cheeks I dreamt you up, my love climbed inside your laugh, forgot how to breathe maybe it’s foolish, my love to believe we’d get out unscathed trusted your hands, my love to bloom into fields, at the sight of new life wept when you snapped, my love never a word more hated than wife I want a man to save me I want to save a man I want to be as simple as the television’s plan four years ago, we got rights but something is still not right I spent twenty years desperate for the hollow of a man
3.
Pathways 03:53
we picked august off the vine trapped a frog inside a jar I broke too hard and fast soared above my handlebars I will stop showing up if it means better things will come I will make my grave lay in it bury my green thumbs can you misunderstand me a little more sweetly there’s still a few hours left in the day cuz I don’t know how to cry anymore discreetly traffic stops in my neural pathways now I am afraid of bikes the ditch at the street’s end the red death I’m roaring towards the sirens apprehend can you misunderstand me a little more sweetly there’s still a few hours left in the day cuz I don’t know how to cry anymore discreetly traffic stops in my neural pathways when I misunderstand you I’ll call it a breakthrough tell myself you still want me around when I misunderstand you I’ll call it a breakthrough tell myself you still want me around but illusions are safer when made out of razor so I’ll stay out your way and shut down can you misunderstand me a little more sweetly there’s still a few hours left in the day cuz I don’t know how to cry anymore discreetly traffic stops in my neural pathways

credits

released February 5, 2021

Music:

engineered, produced, and mixed by Cameron Seymour-Hawkins,

electric guitar and acoustic guitar by Aaron Brown,

drums by Ryan Katz,

bass by Zane McDaniel,

vocals by Madeline Lessing,

mastered by Dereck Blackburn of Quiethouse Recording.

all songs written by Madeline Lessing.

Special thanks to Professor Sean Slade for your guidance and encouragement.

Album Art:

collage assembled by Madeline Lessing using a personal selfie,

Giorgione Giorgio da Castelfranco's Oil Painting, 'Man in Armour',

and a photograph of the (now demolished) Bristol Pastime Theater by Gerald A. DeLuca.

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Loopy Bang Boston, Massachusetts

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